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A Resource Guide to Coming Out

 at HRC's Web Site

Glossary of Terms

Many Americans refrain from talking about sexual orientation and gender expression identity because it feels taboo, or because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. This glossary was written to help give people the words and meanings to help make conversations easier and more comfortable.

bisexual – A person emotionally, romantically, sexually and relationally attracted to both men and women, though not necessarily simultaneously; a bisexual person may not be equally attracted to both sexes, and the degree of attraction may vary as sexual identity develops over time.

coming out – The process in which a person first acknowledges, accepts and appreciates his or her sexual orientation or gender identity and begins to share that with others.

gay – A word describing a man or a woman who is emotionally, romantically, sexually and relationally attracted to members of the same sex.

gender expression – How a person behaves, appears or presents him- or herself with regard to societal expectations of gender.

gender identity – The gender role that a person claims for his or her self — which may or may not align with his or her physical gender.

gender queer – A word people use to describe their own nonstandard gender identity, or by those who do not conform to traditional gender norms.

GLBT – An acronym for “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender.”

homophobia – The fear and hatred of or discomfort with people who love and are sexually attracted to members of the same sex.

internalized homophobia – Self-identification of societal stereotypes by a GLBT person, causing them to dislike and resent their sexual orientation or gender identity.

lesbian – A woman who is emotionally, romantically, sexually and relationally attracted to other women.

living openly – A state in which GLBT people are open with others about being GLBT how and when they choose to be.

outing – Exposing someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity as being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender to others, usually without their permission; in essence “outing” them from the closet.

queer – A term that is inclusive of people who are not heterosexual. For many GLBT people, the word has a negative connotation; however, many younger GLBT people are comfortable using it.

same-gender loving – A term some prefer to use instead of “gay” or “lesbian” to express attraction to and love of people of the same gender.

sexual orientation – An enduring emotional, romantic, sexual and relational attraction to another person; may be a same-sex orientation, opposite-sex orientation or bisexual orientation.

sexual preference – What a person likes or prefers to do sexually; a conscious recognition or choice not to be confused with sexual orientation.

straight supporter – A person who supports and honors sexual diversity, acts accordingly to challenge homophobic remarks and behaviors and explores and understands these forms of bias within him- or herself.

transgender – A term describing a broad range of people who experience and/or express their gender differently from what most people expect. It is an umbrella term that includes people who are transsexual, cross-dressers or otherwise gender non-conforming.

transphobia – the fear and hatred of, or discomfort with, people whose gender identity or gender expression do not conform to cultural gender norms.

transsexual – A medical term describing people whose gender and sex do not line up, and who often seek medical treatment to bring their body and gender identity into alignment.

Myths & Facts About GLBT People

It’s important to remember that most of the negative stereotypes of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are based on erroneous or inadequate information. Here are some myths and facts to help you flesh out what’s what:

It’s a “choice.” Sexual orientation and gender identity are not choices, any more than being left-handed or having brown eyes or being straight are choices. The choice is in deciding whether or not to live your life openly and honestly with yourself and others.

It’s a “lifestyle.” It’s sometimes said that GLBT people live a gay “lifestyle.” The problem with that word is that it can trivialize GLBT people and the struggles they face. Being GLBT is no more a lifestyle than being straight — it’s a life, just like anyone else’s.

Same-sex relationships don’t last. Same-sex couples can, and do, form lasting, lifelong, committed relationships — just like any other couple. And just like any other couple, sometimes same-sex relationships end. The primary difference is that same-sex couples have few opportunities to marry or enter into civil unions or domestic partnerships.

GLBT people can’t have families. According to the 2000 Census, more than 1 million children — probably many more — are being raised by same-sex couples nationwide. The American Psychological Association and other major medical and scientific researchers have stated that children of gay and lesbian parents are as mentally healthy as children raised by straight parents.

GLBT people aren’t happy. In 1994, the American Medical Association released a statement saying, “Most of the emotional disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is not based on physiological causes but rather is due more to a sense of alienation in an unaccepting environment.” What that means is that the discrimination and stress that GLBT people face is the root cause of a great deal of pain for many GLBT people. That pain can be alleviated by knowing that there is a vibrant, growing community of GLBT and straight-supportive Americans who know and care about GLBT people and the issues they face.

GLBT people can “change” or be “cured.” No scientifically valid evidence exists that shows that people can change their sexual orientation, although some people do repress it. The most reputable medical and psychotherapeutic groups say you should not try to change your sexual orientation as the process can actually be damaging.

Ten Things Every American Ought to Know

• Same-sex couples live in 99.3 percent of all counties nationwide (2000 U.S. Census).
• The federal government could save more than $1 billion a year by allowing same-sex couples to marry (2004 Congressional Budget Office).
• There are more than 1 million gay and lesbian veterans in the United States (Urban Institute).
• Sixty-one percent of Americans believe the country needs laws protecting transgender individuals from discrimination (2002 HRC Foundation poll).
• Nearly half of all Fortune 500 Companies offer domestic partner health benefits (2004 HRC State of the Workplace Report).
• You can still be fired from your job in most states, simply for being GLBT, and have no legal recourse — because currently, no federal employment law includes GLBT Americans.
• Eighty-four percent of GLBT students report being verbally harassed — name-calling, threats etc. — at school (GLSEN 2003).
• There are at least 1 million children being raised by same-sex couples in the United States — and probably many more (2000 U.S. Census).
• Hate crimes against GLBT Americans are on the rise, even as other violent crimes continue to decline (FBI Hate Crimes Statistics 2004). Current federal hate crime laws do not protect GLBT Americans.
• In a national poll in 2006, 80 percent of Catholics said they agree with this statement: “Marriage is about love and commitment. Regardless of how I personally feel about gay people getting married, I don’t think it is my place to judge these people’s love for and commitment to each other.” (Accredited Research by Peter D. Hart & Associates).